Garbage In, Garbage Out--no more

So, yesterday, Kye got out of the car to go to school and I said, "Your dad will be picking you up today."  He looked at me with dismay and said in a very whiny, blame induced voice, "You always say stuff that I already know!".  And then he was off...traveling up the sidewalk, entering the school. 

This small but significant interaction gave me a window into my world.  And, if you can hang in there, I will share with you one of the major dilemmas I have and continue to work on.

Some back thoughts about this situation is that I realized that Kye was tired.  He did not get enough sleep.  He was downright grumpy.  And, that probably had nothing to do with me.  It is a blessing to "know" these kind of things-- otherwise I could spend significant time wondering if I am somehow ruining his life by "telling him stuff".

Let's face it, there are times when people blame you when you are not to blame.  The trickiest thing is not getting locked into a desire to hear them out or fall into an endless examination of your conscious. 

What is difficult for me is that I take people's criticism as a gift and in their giving, it suggests that I am approachable and that I can grow from their gift.  Truth be told though, we need to not take all criticism as a golden nugget.  In fact, sometimes it suits us best to barely let the "feedback" filter in. 

I am reading a book called, The Law of the Garbage Truck by David J. Pollay.  This book talks about the garbage trucks we encounter in our lives--people dumping on us, what we can do about them and how not to become one. 

Here are the commitments he suggests:
1.  Do let garbage trucks pass you by.
2.  Do let your own garbage trucks pass you by.
3.  Do avoid becoming someone else's garbage truck.
4.  Do help the garbage trucks you can.
5.  Do honor our no garbage trucks! Pledge.
6.  Do live in the gratitude cycle and live free of the garbage cycle.
7.  Do declare your life a no garbage trucks! Zone.
8.  Do declare your work a no garbage trucks! Zone.

You can take the pledge or learn more about garbage trucks here.

From this point I am hoping to define, early on, whether some one's attitude or feedback is worth my energy reserves.

Happy people live secure in the knowledge that the activities that bring them enjoyment in the present will also lead to a fulfilling future.

~Tal Ben Shahar Ph.D.

from the book Happier

This quote hit me right between the eyes. I read it several times to get the full effect. It is so simple yet it seems like new information to my tired brain.

This book focuses on the science, philosophy and trends within the pursuit of happiness. It is based on a course that this guy teaches at Harvard.

Some other thoughts to ponder, just 16 pages into the book:

• Happiness is a continuum and not a destination.


• The real question to ask is, "How can I become happier?"


• Create rituals rather than forcing self discipline.


• Keep a gratitude journal--remember 5 things nightly about your day of which you are grateful for. Studies show that people who do this are more happy.

Challengeizzle!

Had the family over for our Christmas celebration today. We always get together after the holiday to ensure that each of us will be present. In times past we sometimes found that one of us had to be at the in laws and it would not feel quite right. So we decided to ditch the whole, "have to have Christmas exactly on December 25th" idea. It has worked out beautifully.

Today was no exception the food was great, company pleasant and we had a great time.

We tried out a new game called Quelf that I purchased for my niece Becca. Loads of fun. Also very silly and game challenges you to step outside of your comfort zone--not too much, but enough.

Whether it was adding the suffix "izzle" to every statement or pretending you are a pilot doing announcements, there was some fun in it for us all.

Whilst playing the game, I did come to a realization though. We were almost done, needed to close up shop at 7:00 and had about 9 minutes to go. It was my turn and my instructions were to point up to the sky, announce that my turn was completed and then continue to stare off "into space" until my next turn. I dutifully followed the directions on the card and several folks interacted with me and noticed my gaze was not with the board. My son Quinn was most perplexed and felt he needed to poke me and verbally challenge me to give him eye contact.

I remained stead fast. I was determined to live up to the challenge.

Then as three others took turns, I realized that a question was popping in my head. Do I stick it out --tenaciously keeping my commitment to off staring or do I decide to take a penalty and join the group in their revelry?

I decided to spend the following 4 minutes engaged in the activity rather than fulfilling the card requirement. I do not regret my decision. Others noticed I failed my task, but it was a small price to pay for I chose the path.

This silly little exercise did make me think though. How many times do I stick with something that ultimately will leave me unfulfilled? How often do I let stubbornness or determination get in the way of my true why behind? How much of my life do I live according to "the" rules or my own preconceived rules?

The simple act of taking stock and seeing choices really helped me to recognize a path rather than living blindly. Now there is something to be said for going with the flow or respecting rules. There is a time for everything. This exercise was one of just realizing that we do have choices in each situation and making them consciously can be a really good thing.

An author whom I like, Seth Godin, has a great little book that gives guidance about this very thing. The name of the book is Dip; A little book that teaches you when to quit (and when to stick). You can take a sneak peek here.

Now, if I can only remember to stop, reflect, and choose.........here's to consciousness!

I went to a lecture at the Columbus Mennonite Church here in Columbus. The lecture was given by David Kline, an Amish farmer from Holmes County here in Ohio. I was hoping to get some tidbits about how to garden better, simpler and more organically. David was a delightful speaker and very refreshing. I learned more about actual farming than gardening but it was still interesting.

As the lecture began, a member of the church was invited to come up and lead us in two songs. The first song was sung acapella and must have been in 5 part harmony. It was quite amazing and it did not appear that there were "special" singers in the group. In fact, when asked how many were not from the Amish/Mennonite tradition, most hands went up. Many folks came from the food co-op (Clintonville Community Market) or some other groups. The second song was Morning has Broken and I belted that one out (remembering my favorite artist-- Cat Stevens).

The lecture was interesting in terms of learning more about Amish culture. David had many jokes and many one liners that caught my attention. I could not capture them all but I wrote down a few:

• Best health insurance is to eat food grown on fertile soil.

• Plowing on a 75 degree day is pure pleasure-- it is almost sinful.

• We grow the most wonderful oatmeal-- sometimes, I don't even cook it-- just eat it straight. If you want some, come by the farm -- I think it is 70 or 80 cents a pound.

• Work is a privilege.

• Always be careful about statistics. (Told a story about how it was reported in the paper that folks in Holmes county are less healthy. He knew that could not be true given that he knows that there is less incidence of heart attacks and other ailments. Turns out they said this in the paper because Holmes County has a low participation rate in health clubs).

David has written a book called (among others):

If interested you can read a review of the book here.

The big concept he shared at the lecture is that by having horses and cows that eat the hay, create manure, feed the soil -- all the while working the farm, you get the best yield and best product.

Shackadillic

"I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside." --forward of The Shack written by William P. Young.

And so, this is the way the book begins. The story is told by a man, who knew a man, who had an extraordinary experience with God. Pages speed by as you vicariously join Mack on his journey, dealing with The Great Sadness, moving through to the other side.

The quote above speaks of grace. Grace meaning being loved,...... even though..... We all need forgiveness and understanding. We all need to be loved. What if we really knew deep down, even though we are majorly flawed, that we are truly loved? That is a beautiful thing.

I have had the experience of this kind of love-- you know the love where you are accepted the way you are, despite any idiocy you may be showing at the time. The love where you don't have to worry about the person leaving you or judging you or demanding you satisfy conditions in order to receive their affection. Someone loving you just because you are you.

Well, this book talks about that, in story form: weaving a delightful, hopeful tale. Dig in.