Eyes Wide Open

This is my year.  My year to face the truth, live in the present and take each day with eyes wide open.  I may not know how to go quite about it yet, but I am determined.  I know that  focus is one thing that can aid me in the process.

I have had this thought before when thinking about my diet.  I have known for many years that to deny myself anything is just to increase my desire for that very thing.  So, in the past, I have thought to curb my sugar intake or stop eating unhealthy foods to no avail.  Instead, I have successfully fooled myself by deciding to infuse my diet with vegetables and fruits.  Lo' and behold, I have experienced positive effects.  Likewise, I have a feeling that I can apply this same principal to other areas of my life.   They say that your thoughts will lead you to your reality. 

Now, what to think about?  And how to think about it? 

I want to fill my world with positive thoughts--good memories, gratitude, ideas, inspiration, motivation, excitement, possibilities, shared promises, intellectual banter, dreams, acknowledgement of my senses etc.  I want to chose my thoughts rather than be victim to them. 

There is also research suggesting that your thoughts can rework your brain as shared in this npr tidbit. And, truth be told, my brain needs reworking.

Play Time

I had the opportunity to visit with some of Frank's friends from Hiram College. Fun stuff. A few of his friends have children and it was fun to watch them interact together. It is clear that there was a lot of love in the room and I really was impressed how they allowed the kids to express themselves through play. Witnessing this, I reflected on my own playability with my kids.

Upon reflection, I realize that I often get so caught up with "what I have to do". I sometimes even forget to play with my kids. I am not sure how this happens but it is also true that growing up I did not play much. I had a lot of responsibilities early on and worries too. So, playing has not been an organic process for me--at least not yet.

It is good to have role models who can point the way. Reminders are helpful. I suppose I may need to ask for help from my kids to guide my way--who better to ask than the mouths of babes?

I read an article on a website called The Cute Kid that had this to say about play:

"Playtime is valuable time. Children learn through play. During play children often imitate valuable adult behaviors, stretch their imagination and reinforce creativity, and feel like they have accomplished something. When you play with your child you add to these benefits by making your child feel important and valued.

As you play with your child let your child decide what to play. They usually choose an activity that they are interested in. When a child decides what to play it will keep their attention longer. It also increases the child's feelings of self-worth. Because they feel that their parent likes and is interested in the things that they do. You might get bored with the same activity but your child learns through repetition. If you are tired of it add a new dimension to the activity. Turn the tea party into cooking an entire meal. Instead of just pushing around cars build a garage and pretend to fix them. As your child gets older their interests will change as well. They might want to go outside and kick around a ball or play a game. They might want to help you cook in the kitchen or scrapbook together. Whatever your child's interests just make sure that your child chooses the activity not you."

It is interesting to think about my kid's interests. They have fun spirits and I know I can enjoy letting them take the lead, expressing themselves and all the while I can help them increase their sense of self.

This is an area of growth for me. I need to find a way to relax and set aside my to do list so I can be fully present with them. After all, what better gift can I give them but my time?

Happy people live secure in the knowledge that the activities that bring them enjoyment in the present will also lead to a fulfilling future.

~Tal Ben Shahar Ph.D.

from the book Happier

This quote hit me right between the eyes. I read it several times to get the full effect. It is so simple yet it seems like new information to my tired brain.

This book focuses on the science, philosophy and trends within the pursuit of happiness. It is based on a course that this guy teaches at Harvard.

Some other thoughts to ponder, just 16 pages into the book:

• Happiness is a continuum and not a destination.


• The real question to ask is, "How can I become happier?"


• Create rituals rather than forcing self discipline.


• Keep a gratitude journal--remember 5 things nightly about your day of which you are grateful for. Studies show that people who do this are more happy.

The Love Priciples

I came across The Love Principles in a stack of stuff I have saved from past research. Below, I have printed this in it's entirety. I am experiencing transformation lately and these principles ring true to this process for me; thought I would share.

THE LOVE PRINCIPLES

(as received in 1970)

• Receive all persons as beautiful exactly as they are.


• Be the change you want to see, instead of trying to change anyone else.


• Create your own reality consciously.


• Provide others with opportunities to give.


• Have no expectations, but rather abundant expectancy.


• Problems are opportunities.

~Arleen Lorrance

Choice is a life process. In every new moment of awareness, you are free to make a new choice.

This list is a good one and I find that for some of the items I have a natural inclination (seeing beauty, opportunities to give and a positive perspective on problems) but the others hold difficulty on some level. I am going to consciously meditate on these principles this week and see where that leads me-- care to join me?

Cosmic Synergy around Global Concerns

Something strange is going on. I recently met authors (Jim Hodge and Linda Cooper) of a book entitled, Disturbing the Peace: The Story of Father Roy Bourgeois and the Movement to Close the School of Americas. They visited the Columbus Catholic Worker House where I volunteer some of my time. They are lovely people and their book is an interesting tale which compells you think about the world and your place in it. Below I have included information for participation in the study based on this book. All are welcome. This meeting was the first circumstance that started the ball rolling for me regarding global justice issues.

So, I meet these authors, help develop a book study and share information with other churches, organizations and friends. In the course of visiting the Quaker Friends House on campus to talk up the study, a gentleman invited us to attend a Woody Guthrie-like concert that following Saturday. The opportunity sounded fun to me with a chance to meet new people, enjoy a concert within the intimate setting and jam to some folky music. We continued our advertising tour and went to my old church Maynard Avenue United Methodist Church, and talked with Pastor Patti -she indicated that she got arrested for crossing the line at the School of the Americas and that she was very aware of Fr. Roy and would be happy to to share the book study with others.

That Saturday, I attended the concert only to find that the musician (Tom Neilson) was wearing this t-shirt:

Hmmm....

Sunday at mass, we had a visiting priest from Rwanda. He shared the need expressed there since the Genocide took place. Not even three weeks ago my friend Kristy suggested that I read a book by a woman named, Immaculee Illibagiza. She survived this very genocide by hiding with 6 other women in a bathroom. The seven women were huddled in that bathroom measuring three feet by four feet, for 91 days. They took turns standing and stretching. You can read about her book here.

What is God calling me to? I don't really believe in coincidence. Why, am I, one of the more ignorant of world affairs, being invited to focus on this now? He seems to be knocking rather loudly. Now to remain open and keep my questioning heart.

Here is the information about the book study; it starts tonight, but, you can join in anytime:

The study begins July 12 and will meet for 4 sessions--every other week at 7:00-8:30 pm at the Catholic Worker House located at 1614 Oakland Park Avenue. Participants are asked to purchase their own book online or at a local bookstore and to read the first 4 chapters before the first meeting. We also have some copies of the book on site, so contact us (614-446-8714) to make arrangements.
The following synopsis is a description from the authors who will be leading the study with us:

Examine the life of a once gung-ho Navy Lt. who, after working with war orphans in Vietnam, abandoned his military career to become a missionary among the poor in Latin America where he saw grave human rights abuses. After learning that the United States Army had trained the killers of Salvadoran Archbishop Oscar Romero and four US churchwomen, two of whom were his friends, he set out to close the US Army School of the Americas that has trained hundreds of assassins and dictators. The larger story details how the SOA peace movement grew, drawing thousands of people from every faith and walk of life, including students, veterans, religious leaders, film stars like Martin Sheen and Susan Sarandon, death penalty foe Helen Prejean, and legendary musician Pete Seeger as well as the Indigo Girls.

It’s a movement that has challenged religious and government leaders much in the tradition of Dorothy Day. The movement prompted the Pentagon to close the school, only to find it re-opened under a new name.

Get Empowered

A friend of mine, after I was reminiscing about days gone by and my current troubles, said, "Get empowered!".

You see there was a time when I felt strong, lived life fully and stared fear in the eye. I walked around like life was designed for me and somehow, events and circumstances kindly obliged to offer me confidence and adventure. I had energy and umph. My smile was contagious. I was empowered.

Now, I am not an empty vessel by any means, but my self esteem has taken a few hits in the past few years--and things are different. So, my friend says, "Get empowered." How does one do that? What steps does one take toward empowerment? It sure sounds like it could be easy--kind of like the Nike saying of "Just do it".



Check out the Seven Simple Promises that will Change your Life

To Stay or Not to Stay

What do you think?
On the topic of dating relationships:

One friend said that she stayed with her boyfriend even though she knew he was not right for her. They argued and she did not feel the energy was right but she decided to stay anyway-- until something better.

A guy I dated awhile back admitted to the same thing. He stayed with a woman that he had no intention of building a future with. She was unaware of this and was hopeful that they would one day get married. He was a bit of a loner so he knew it would be awhile before he would meet someone else so he decided to stay-- enjoying the benefits of companionship. The attitude that, "Something is better than nothing" was prevalent there.

A college buddy of mine, when I complimented him on his girlfriend's cuteness said, "She's OK'" either downplaying his affection for her or truly expressing the opposite of attraction- neither being complimentary.

I suppose there are many reasons we stay when we shouldn't. Sometimes we stay for commitment sake (which may be a good thing), or we stay because we are weak- afraid to be alone, want to be held or need a friend. Other times, we stay because we are lazy or get distracted by every day life. Sometimes we stay because we are hoping for something -- even though the other party is clear that they are not really with you. And sometimes, it may be as simple as recognizing that change is a hard thing to cope with at times--so we stay to keep status quo.

I guess my take on things is that if there is no real hope for a future, lack of commitment and/or an unwillingness to work on things, there is no need to tarry there.

I would not want to have someone settle for me. I wonder what the counterparts in my examples above would do if they knew their mates were just biding time with them?

I am a romantic and have hopes that my mate would be there because he chooses to be. I sincerely believe that if you are in a relationship you should either be in it for the long haul and actively choose your partner or get out. I suppose it is different if both parties are aware that they are settling for the time and decide together that they will pass time with one another. But, it seems that it is more likely that one party would express a desire to look around while keeping the security blanket while the other secretly hoped the other would come to their senses. Limbo is no fun- at least in that scenerio.

The other reality is that by staying this type of pseudo relationship it often blocks energy toward building another relationship. And if it doesn't, you may have to carry the eventual baggage that you betrayed someone while carrying a torch for another. Believe me, that is some heavy baggage.

Relationships are messy. There are times when I have been in a relationship where I had doubts of a future. And, it takes time to figure things out-still different though that I was willing to find out if the relationship was worth striving for. But, I would have to say that if you are not willing to fight for the relationship or invest in a solution to the problems blocking possibility, it probably means it is time to let go.

People who know me, know that I believe in working on relationships and giving things a real try. The main thing is being honest with yourself and the other person about where you stand, so they can make a decision for themselves. If you choose to stay on knowing that the person is not able to be faithful, it is probably on you.

Life is too short to settle, too short to live in agony, too short to feel less than or to compromise values.

Things don't always happen in the time frame we hope for and wisdom is not always present as we face these situations. But, I believe that when you have a knowing in your heart then a responsibility comes with that knowing. It takes bravery and resolve to take the right steps, but ultimately, I think you will be better for it.

On another note, here is one of the most disturbingly funny videos I have seen that pertains (albeit peripherally) to the subject at hand.

Letting Go:

Making Sense of Things

So, what's my problem?


Well, that is the problem--it (my problem) is undefined or undefinable. It leaves one pondering perpetually and actually promotes the idea that some situations are not figureoutable. Some things are just the way they are- not logical, workable, or rooted in things that make sense.

I was sharing a dilemma regarding my family treating me poorly with my past boss sometime ago. After hearing me say, "I guess God is teaching me something here (not sure what)." She said, "Erin, sometimes shit just happens. You don't deserve this or have not brought it on yourself."

My old boss is a member of the clergy and she has a relatively sane approach to life. So this perspective threw me for a loop. I have always been able to cope with things by saying this mantra-"God must want me to learn something here". Now what? Where do I put this dilemma-- how do I make sense of it. I can't just leave it there not making any sense-- can I?

How does one achieve alignment, a sense of direction, achieve hope in this barren abyss?


Well intuitively I know the answer--Let go of it- even though it doesn't make sense yet. Be kind to myself-even though others are judging or putting me down. Trust that God is with me and he loves me --even though...... Accept that things don't always make sense.

From a very young age we try to make sense of things. Our brains work hard to understand the world around us. We pull bits of information from different places and can logically connect the dots. It is in our nature. I think that is why it is hard for me to let go in these situations. My brain believes there is an explaination or a solution or a common sensical answer that will put my mental energy at ease upon the knowing. Letting go requires a stop to all this working and a real decision to put it aside-- not easy stuff.

Here is an example of how our brain seeks to make sense of things, can you read it?

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro.

Alignment

I have been thinking a lot about my words and actions-- how they tumble out of me and what relationship they have to one another. I have found, that in my most recent past (years) my words and actions have been out of alignment. This of course, suggests some kind of conflict within me.

This circumstance both intrigues me and stymies me for I know that my happiness is directly related to how I manage this alignment.

So how do you align words and actions? At the time I say the words they seem good or actually are good but the follow through is hard.

It seems like either toning down the words to reflect the real deal or summoning up the will power to follow my inner wisdom is necessary.

I am tired of the exhaustion that comes from the constant back and forth. I want rest. I want to feel fulfilled.

Even though it is small, I have felt great alignment with my Lenten promise of giving up sugar. It has been difficult to keep this promise-- but each time I do, I feel good and feel like I have been true to myself. This is just one example. Now, I need to keep other promises I have made to myself. This is where I pray for strength.

Engaging Fun

I had the good fortune to be let out of work early to collect the kids while Barry is visiting family in South Carolina (his mom is in critical condition). Quinn, Kye and I were in wait mode anticipating the time to pick up Alea after tutoring. As I was looking around, noticing the turkey vulture up above, hearing birds singing songs and watching Kye swing, I decided to invite Kye to a jump on the trampoline. Kye was shocked that I was going to jump. He thought it was possible that I would watch him jump but exclaimed, "Your gonna jump Mom?!" as I straddled the netting to get in the inner net of the trampoline. I said, "Sure am!". Kye excitedly climbed up mischievously thinking that he was going to jump hard so it would make me go way high. We had a blast. Quinn joined in the fun adding gymnastics to his feats--doing things that I must admit, I dared not attempt.

As I pondered this experience afterward, I realized that I was engaging in play. For some of you, this may be an everyday occurrence, but for me it has been a long time coming. For the past couple of years, I have let my troubles carry me or weigh me down depending on the circumstances-- a sense of being on hold.

To be truthful, it has always been a bit of a challenge for me to truly play, I was given a lot of responsibility as a child and it has carried over into my adult life. Knowing this, I have purposely gotten jobs that require me to play as a matter of course. I also actively play with the kids, in addition to goofing off a little each day.

Now, I hope you don't get the wrong idea. I am a person who can have fun, tell silly jokes and relax. But somehow there has been a missing element. And today, I got a glimpse at what may be at the root of it.

You see, I am a very relationship oriented person. I enjoy and love people, and much of my happiness is derived by being with these folks-- doing whatever. But today, I got a taste of what it was like to do things motivated by me at my whim. I cannot even say that I would want to jump every day, but I wanted to jump, so I jumped today.

So, as I was doing dishes, I asked myself, "Erin, what would YOU do to have fun?". I came up with a short list of options and it is my hope to carry these out sometime soon:

1. Play games with adults-- love this-- everything from Win, Lose or Draw to Boggle, Murder Mystery parties to Mexican Train, card games to lawn bowling.

2. Go to the $1 movies (something light hearted).

3. See plays regularly.

4. Take walks downtown and bring camera.

5. Lay around on the hammock.

6. Play tennis with friends.

So if you are game for any of these items, let me know. I will be engaging in fun soon-- you could be there too!

A Time of No

It has been an interesting period of my life these past 1-2 months. I find myself saying "no" a lot. The "no" has come in many forms:

1. I have said no to 3 jobs because they could not pay enough for me to make the mortgage.

2. I am saying no to friendships that are quasi friendships--you know the ones where you give more than they do. I need to be around others that give me energy and I am fortunate to have many friends that do just that.

3. I am filtering out distractions--making choices to avoid circumstances or situations that remind me of the past.

4. I am saying no to sugar and processed sugar foods-- did you know that Raisin Bran has 21 grams of sugar? My son Quinn pointed that one out as we were comparing cereals in the grocery isle(unfortunately, Captain Crunch has less- hmmm).

5. I am saying no to advances from the opposite sex, even though in some cases, they are
persistent-- I may blog more on this.

6. I have been saying no to the kid's constant requests for this and that. They don't quite understand how this whole layoff thing works- they just know that somehow mom makes it all work. I am sure we will be better/stronger for the little sacrifices we are making.

Even though this has been a time of no, it has also been a great time of welcome. I have two lunch dates with friends this week, enjoyed company with my Aunt Ginger last night, planning a get together with my APO buddies and engaged with a church after a long hiatus. I am quilting, learning to play the guitar, cleaning up the house-removing clutter and getting really clear about my budget. The really good thing is that my credit is rather good and I intend to keep it that way if I have the power to do so. In so many ways, it has been a time of "yes" too.

At the root of things, I have been asking, "Erin, what is it that you want?" I am capable of dealing with loads of negative stuff, but why do it if you don't have too? Why not choose the very best, most fun, most rewarding path?

Kye in Charge

So, back to my comment about what our kids may say about us when they are in therapy. This thought initially came up for me when I was having a discussion with Kye about his birthday party. You see, he wanted to have all the fun first and THEN eat. The only problem with that was our shindig was going to start at noon- the time, traditionally indicated for lunch.

I suggested that we have the fashion show first (as Kye indicated) and then eat, so hungry guests could get their grub on. He did not like that idea and said clearly, "Mom you said I could be in charge and you are not letting me!" I shared that he actually was in charge of many things and reminded him of his input and my responsiveness to his thoughts, but he was stuck on this one point; his heart was set on having this thing, his way.

As a parent, I had an internal dialog going on, as I often do, when facing conflicting values. Do I go with Kye's flow and potentially starve our guests? Do I override his suggestion, leaving him desperately disappointed? I thought about banking on the fact that he probably won't remember this conversation when his friends arrive anyway (you know a sneaky maneuver).

What I ended up doing was appeal to Kye's rational self and asked him to trust me. I reassured him that everything was going to be alright and that we would have fun, and I would try my best to incorporate his ideas. He was happy to agree and seemed to "know" that I would honor him.

Once I figured out that it was anxiety driving his insistence, I was able to provide him support in a way that calmed him down. And luckily, there was enough trust in the system that he could hand it over to me.

This little scenario was good for me. It helped me to see some things about myself and my relationship with Kye. I could have been offended that he did not trust me initially. I could have forced the issue, gotten overwhelmed, felt guilty or complicated things for myself; fortunately I did not do any of these things.

The thing I come to realize is that parenting is hard. How do we know how to react in just the right way at the right time? When is it time to make a big deal of something, or let something pass? And, to make it worse, or better, each child may require a different approach and response.

I suppose we do our best, keep an open mind, listen and respond with love.

Play-doh a.k.a. My Back

Last Wednesday, I was at a massage appointment with a masseuse who had the strongest hands I have ever met. You may be asking yourself, how can a temporarily unemployed woman afford such fancies? Well, when I was employed, I joined Massage Envy to get cheaper massages- one per month. This was a commitment to myself after my doctor suggested that I have tendinitis in my back that could be resolved through a weekly massage. That was not doable financially so I compromised by purchasing one massage a month. But the kicker was that I banked up 4 massages that I did not use before I heard I was going to be laid off. Given that, I have been enjoying the opportunity while I have been off (luckiest- unlucky person I know).

Anyway, this woman, Jessica is petite and athletic-- she is shorter than me and surprisingly strong. As I was laying on the table concentrating on relaxing, she dug deep into my flesh, moved my muscles --stretching, pushing on trigger points. I consciously reminded myself to breathe and envisioned the muscles releasing.

I was curious about her style so I asked a few questions: "When you get a massage do you like deep tissue work? She said yes and that if a person is too gentle it does not feel like anything is happening. I agreed. There have been times when I have gotten the most gentle massage but my back did not feel any better. I then asked, "You have the strongest touch I have experienced in professional or personal massage. Do you ever have someone that resists your touch or has expressed fear about you moving them?" She said that she had and indicated that as long as the person seeks to maintain control, they will never feel release.

I laid there thinking about that. How many times do we work to control situations instead of relaxing into them, seeing where they lead or letting others lead?

Letting go of control would require us to have faith. We would need to let go of our worries and let her do the work. We may have to experience some pain to get to a healthier place-- all the while visualizing the healing that is possible.

Control is often a product of fear. We try to make our worlds make sense, keep things safe, hold onto our worry because it is more comfortable than really trying something new or different or trusting someone else. Although, at times control can make things more unsafe; may increase the possibility of injury. Control in a mental sense can often keep the pot stirred triggering others, compelling them to vie for control-- creating a lose/lose situation.

I can see this as a metaphor within the relationship with God. Do we allow him to heal us? Do we acknowledge and allow him to do his work within us or do we resist or fear too much to reap the benefits of that relationship? Do we hold onto our worries, let our fear rule us, so much that we cannot focus, cannot choose health, ultimately experiencing release?

More and more I am realizing life is about how we do things. Happiness, healing, connection with our Source, etc is in the little things. I have come a long way, but I have so much further to go. Can I have faith and trust? Still more to ponder.

I will get that chance tomorrow as I lay on the massage table with my last massage (use it or lose it!) I choose to use it!

Brilliance in our Midst

So, here is yet another dentist story. The dentist just put Novocaine in my mouth to get ready for the root canal I needed and he stopped by to see how I was doing. I conversationally said, that I felt a little loopy. He said that was odd and asked several questions. One of the questions was, "have you eaten today?". I said I had not. He went to get me some apple juice and it did the trick. You see, I dutifully brushed my teeth in the morning, went to work and debated whether to eat; knowing food would get lodged in the nooks and crannies.

When he came back, I explained that I did not want to have food in my teeth for my visit with him. He said he understood but acknowledged that it was better to have food in your teeth than to pass out on his chair. He began poking in my mouth and about 2 minutes later he said, "You know..........., you could just brush before you come."

Smiling to myself, I muttered, "You're brilliant!"
Without missing a beat he said, "Must be all those years at university."

Maybe it was the Novocaine, but at the time, it was hilarious. Funny how some things just dawn on ya.

If you would like to spend some quality time with my dentist he can be reached at:

Vahid G. Hagee, D.D.S.
1669 Lockbourne Road
Columbus, Ohio 43207
614-444-9840

He has a gentle spirit and is willing to answer all questions. And, boy can I ask questions! He suggested that the dental industry may be in my future. Who knows?!

Let's Get Physical

I got this photo from my sister Louie through email. It is a funny one. I like it for many reasons: 1. It reinforces that timing is everything, 2. I can look at the street where we grew up-- houses, yards, a familiar scene that brings up memories and 3. I can reflect on and appreciate true style-- whether it be clothing or body expression-- ya just can't beat it.

It also reminds me that I am a very physical being. I experience my world through touch and connect to people, places and things tactily. As I become more and more cerebral, I am reminded not to lose "touch" with my physical side. Increasing physicalness can take many forms: walking the stairs at work, playing in the snow, participating in tag games, doing crunches, massaging others, hugging friends, welcoming handshakes, pick up your step from place to place, stretching, etc.

It is interesting to me that I need to remind myself about what I consider my true nature. I suppose we all lose ourselves at times. Sometimes a picture or a circumstance can awaken us as we view ourselves from the outside in. Thanks Lou!

Thrifty Giving

My daughter Alea came up to me after RSVPing for a birthday celebration next week. The party is for her very best friend and she wanted to make plans about the gifting process. Anyone who knows Alea knows that she is a planner, takes most things into consideration and while she is at it, will help you to organize your life as well. This could be an annoying feature to her personality but somehow, she nails it in such a way that makes you want to follow her lead; it is, no matter how you look at it, the sensible thing to do. This time was no exception, however, she did pose me with a question that made me pause with furrowed brow.

She wanted to shop for said friend at the thrift store. Now a few facts would be helpful here as you ponder with me:

1. Alea loves to thrift shop. Most times she gets her own cart, peruses the isles with reckless abandon and finds herself some sweet (as she says) pieces. Joy emanates from her. And, getting a bargain makes it even sweeter. She totally gets that she can purchase way more, for way less. She is quite the shopper. She never fails to spot a "so me" item on the rack and insists that I give these things a try and truth be told she is never far off. Sometimes the sizes don't work or she picks something that doesn't suit my color scheme, but all in all, she is an asset in the shopping department.

2. OK, back to the birthday situation. Alea attends school and has many friends from New Albany (a suburb of Columbus). It is fair to say that my kids witness true wealth when they go to visit their friends from school. On the whole, they have not come home whining about what other kid's have and what we are lacking (Lord knows I am grateful for that). I also realize that wealth is a relative concept here. It is not my desire to stereotype here. I am only recognizing that there is most definitely a difference in economic class.

3. Alea would like nothing better than to share her joy of thrift shopping with her friend. She argued sensibly that her friend likes the very jeans she was donning and THEY were from the thrift store. I can follow her logic her after all, I purchase most of my clothes from the thrift store.

4. When Alea told her friend where she purchased these fine jeans she did not know what a thrift store was-- the concept was totally out of the realm of her experience.

So, I explained to Alea, under most circumstances, you don't give someone a birthday gift that is considered used, unless it is a special item from your own collection that you want to share, like a family heirloom......

In general, for a birthday celebration, you make a purchase from a traditional store or make something that is a gift from your heart.

I must admit, I have conflicting values here and a limited ability to explain this dilemma within. I would not have thought it would be hard for me to express the why behind here-- but in truth, I believe any gift given from the heart is of value-- no matter where it is purchased.

One year my sister DeeDee asked for clothing for her birthday since she was giving up her deaf interpreting gig (you mostly wear black or other plain dark colors). I asked her if she minded me shopping at the thrift store for her because I could do some real damage that way. She said she did not mind. It was so fun! I felt free to buy a few items that may be considered absolute finds or may be considered clunkers. I did not feel like I bought the farm. I know for a fact that I picked out some jeans that she wore until they became thread bare-- jeans that she probably would not have picked out for herself.

I suppose I am worried that a gift from the thrift store may appear cheap or may be unappreciated in the circles of New Albany or worse, us becoming labelled as the poor family, when really, the whole idea came from the joy of the hunt.

I did offer Alea the option to invite her friend on a shopping spree at the thrift store to share in the experience. Of course, I am about to work my last day, heading into the land of layoff, so calling it a spree may be a bit misleading. The girls may have to make selections, keep within a budget and make hard decisions about what to purchase and what to leave behind. But, even that is a wonderful lesson in life (may even make those items purchased feel more special).

Anyway, I am curious to how others may see this opportunity.

Brownie Dilemma

Oh for the love of God, will someone please tell me how to get brownies out of the pan!!! I have come to realize that I am a good mom overall, but in the department of baking I fall short. I have attempted to bake some brownies and the past two times we end up scraping them from their glass baking dish. It is like they are holding on for dear life, not wanting to leave their 4 walled environment. There must be some secret that eludes me.

So, if you have wisdom of this nature, please help me to right my wrong. Inquiring minds want/need to know!

Contentment

So I have been composing this post in my mind for some time now and decided to do some research and found my thoughts written on the page before me. Hmm....I guess others are thinking about this stuff too. The concept is about contentment; being content.

There is a beautiful tension between desire for more (goals, wishes desires) and experiencing true contentment (happiness, bliss). How do we wrestle with the fact that our situations may be less than desirable yet hold something to be appreciated?

I went to a movie on Friday called Marley and Me. It was a movie about a dog and relationships surrounding the dog. The dog was badly behaved and quite the challenge. However, I was most interested in the relationship between the couple in the movie and intrigued by the internal struggle of the main character. He was a reporter, turned columnist, turned reporter again. In each step of the journey he really wondered whether he was doing what he was called to do and was oft times bordering on discontentment while simultaneously experiencing each step in his life. You know-- wondering if he missed the call to chase after the exciting stories in order to raise his family, wondering if he was selling himself short, stuck in a vision of self that seemed to evade him, while a new (dare I say, even better) self emerged.

It made me wonder how many of us are teetering on the cliff of "what could have been" or traveling in the cave of "maybe I should instead" rather than taking stock of the beauty around us. My experience and observation points to the wasted energy that comes from regret or the worry of what could be-- ultimately imposing judgement on oneself of the most unkind sort.

Does this mean that we shouldn't strive for something better? Should we settle for something that brings our spirit down? No. I think we are meant to purposefully appreciate what we have while discerning next steps toward our potential. And, sometimes our true potential may be among wonderful opportunities right around us that we are not or have not acknowledged. Somewhere we are taught discontentment and angst. Happiness, I believe is not in our circumstances but within ourselves and our ability to see the good in our everyday.

I do not profess to understand these things fully. I know that along the journey I have figured out some things and one is that happiness is not something that happens to you. It is something you claim.

Well, my words are not as eloquent as the ones found here. I like this article because it gives tips on how to get to contentment. Good news is that it is within our power. And given my current state of joblessness and singleness, they are good words to read and absorb.

As for the photo up top, I just thought I looked rather content. However I should confess-- I don't play the guitar.....

Yet.

Gift of Self Care

Been thinking of the best Christmas present one could give themselves. The gift of Care comes to mind. How does one truly care for oneself?

I find that folks often ignore their needs, give to others, depleting themselves in the process while losing the awareness of how to take care of themselves.

I have been paying particular attention to my spirit and my body to determine types of energy with the effort to increase positive flow in my life.

Here are a couple of things that have surfaced for me, please feel free to add to the list as you ponder with me.

1. In general, I feel good when I am watching movies or reading fiction. It takes the focus off of my life and story and I can think about other people or other stories.

2. Take a vitamin. Each time I take a vitamin I have a silent affirmation
that I am doing something good for me.

3. Cook a home cooked meal, without rush. Putz in the kitchen.

4. Take a nap. The best days for me include a nap. I feel a little selfish like I know I could be doing several other things-- but that makes it even more delicious.

5. Play a game or go somewhere special with the kids (zoo, Franklin Park
Conservatory, road trip). Whenever I do one of these things, I feel like
I am a good mother.

I remember taking the kids to Niagara Falls and we were on a bus heading to some site and tears came to my eyes. After reflecting, I realized that I felt good about the experiences we were having and hoped the kids would remember special times together. This happens when we go really special places or even when we are close to home. Anyway, feeling like a good mom really helps me feel good overall. I think we as parents always feel like we fall short. Revelling and basking in the goodness is worth doing.

6. Yoga. My body is more achey lately. I did buy a membership to Bally's
and found out the next day that they went belly up (ugh!). So, I am in
search of a reasonable option to get my exercise in. Stretching is much
needed but I really enjoy going to a gym or exercising with others. In the meantime, giving myself a good stretch is a good trick.

7. Spend time with friends (new and old ones). I sometimes feel isolated and alone-- with energy ebbing. There are many folks that care about me and would like to spend some quality time together. I think with the hustle and bustle of what needs doing, we sometimes forget to reach out and ask. My experience is that when I ask, I almost always get responded to with an enthusiastic, "Yes!". Why don't we ask more often? Not sure. Time to look around, make some connections, enjoy time and experience fellowship. Right after Christmas is a great time to do this.

I continue to pay attention and read the meter inside of me asking, "What gives you energy Erin?, What takes it away?" And then, adjust accordingly.

Healing and Happiness

Found this video that gives tips on diet and other particular actions to heal oneself and experience happiness- intriguing thoughts:




Dr. Dean Ornish: Healing and other natural wonders