So, I was a church today-- singing, praying, sharing the Catholic ways with the kids and all was fine until I get to the communion part. You know the part where we respond and say, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed."
You see, when I speak the absolute truth, I begin to cry. It is a direct signal for me to pay attention to what I just said and try to understand the meaning. I cried after I said these words. I am crying now as I write them.
I know that God does not see me as unworthy. It is my admission that I don't feel worthy and I know that he will heal me- there is no question there. Now will open up to him and let him do his work in me?
I have been on this healing journey lately and He is most definitely with me. He has been with me the whole time and I have been aware of Him there.
In the past (and when I say past, I mean my whole life) I have been afraid to be silent enough to hear Him. I was worried that if I actually listened to Him, He may ask me to do something beyond my capabilities. I kept the noise level in my life just enough that I could avoid Him if I chose and most times I went that route.
What is weird is that I have been able to hear Him lately and it is not scary at all. At times the message comes in a way I did not expect but the message is one of acknowledgement and assurance. Who doesn't need assurance?
In many ways I walk in absolute faith. I really know that everything is going to be OK. Those who know me best can attest to this. But in other ways I don't always walk in trust-- it has been a missing piece for me. Taking the risk to not only receive God's grace but listen to his call. That is my next opportunity.
He is in the process of healing me.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
What the?!??!!
I don't know what is wrong with me, but as soon as I contemplate letting go of my blog, stuff keeps pouring out of me.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Made BLT sandwiches last night and my oldest son Quinn said, "Keep 'em comin' Mom". That is the nearest he has come to a compliment in awhile. I do most things without any expectation of accolades (except for demanding a polite thank you) but it is sure nice when one comes unprovoked.
He does this on occasion like him saying that his guitar was the best Christmas gift ever-- but most of his connections are more subtle. Today he said, "I started a new book Mom." That was a very indirect signal to let me know that I could get the same book from the library and read along with him. Having supersonic intuitive powers helps in this family-- luckily, I have the good fortune to have them.
He does this on occasion like him saying that his guitar was the best Christmas gift ever-- but most of his connections are more subtle. Today he said, "I started a new book Mom." That was a very indirect signal to let me know that I could get the same book from the library and read along with him. Having supersonic intuitive powers helps in this family-- luckily, I have the good fortune to have them.
Cooped Up
This is the chicken coop I would like to make. It is portable, sensible and may be easy enough to make construction wise. I have been wanting chickens (and their fresh eggs) for about a year now. A friend has some hens to give me and I just need a home for them. There are many fun designs out there but this one seems doable--even for the constructionally challenged. Other designs can be found at BackyardChickens.com. Soon I will be posting a wish list if people have things lying around the house and are willing to part with them. Most of the list will entail materials for this project. So, if you have anything that could lend to the success of this endeavor leave a comment or email me. I believe in putting things into the universe and seeing where that takes you.......
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thunder, God and Bowling
I was looking through an old journal and I came across a notation of one of Kye's perspectives on the world.
Mom: "Kye did you hear the thunder last night?"
Kye: "My ears don't work when I am sleeping."
Mom: "Ah well, it was loud almost like God was bowling up there. It was so loud I bet he got a strike!"
Kye: "Yeah, because God IS like the oldest person."
Saving Blog
Of late, I have been considering ending my blog. I am not certain what I will do about that yet. But, I wanted to know if anyone knows how to save the content within the blog on your computer?-- A way to save posts, pictures, links etc. Any advice here would be helpful-- thanks!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Sugar!!!!
OK what is the cruel trick that Girl Scout Cookies come out at Lent time?
The interesting thing is that I am detecting the smallest amount of sugar in food. The other day I made a homemade pot pie. A lovely flaky crust, rice, chicken, loads of veggies. Yum! And, as I took each bite, I could taste the hint of sugar in the crust. Good stuff.
The interesting thing is that I am detecting the smallest amount of sugar in food. The other day I made a homemade pot pie. A lovely flaky crust, rice, chicken, loads of veggies. Yum! And, as I took each bite, I could taste the hint of sugar in the crust. Good stuff.
The Chariot
Thursday, March 5
The Chariot is the representation of victory and a reminder that, through dedication and perseverance, great obstacles can be overcome. This card indicates that you are in control of your destiny and that your will is strong. Your refusal to surrender is your great attribute at this time. You will soon find yourself in a difficult situation that requires you to be in complete control of your actions and confident in your abilities.
.
A friend on facebook has an application that gives you a tarot card reading. This is what came up for me. It has been a long time since my will has been strong and I have had a feeling of control in terms of my destiny, but I can honestly say, I am getting wind of that notion.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Don't You Hate it When....
Don't you hate it when:
A guy continues to pursue you even though you have subtly and not so subtly indicated that you are not interested. He tries to interest you in everything from outings to free pizza, offers to buy girl scout cookies or other ploys to connect. Now those of you who know me, know that I am very straight forward; a shoot from the hip kinda girl. I consider myself gentle but clear. There was a moment, that if he laid off, and gave things time I may have considered a friendship down the line. We may meet at a function or something- but now, it is just too awkward. I hate it when guys don't accept no. It puts me in the position of literally needing to be rude--not answering emails or phone calls to send an even clearer message. I hate when that happens (cause really I am a nice gal).
Don't you hate it when:
A driver traveling in the opposite lane of you motions for you to go, pressuring you to follow their lead?-- causing, if you do their bidding, a blockage in traffic. Their gestures are emphatic; they fully expect you to do what they are telling you to do. Now, I am no pansy, I can say no to the situation, but I don't even want to be in the position of telling them what to do in the process. Like saying, "No, you go ahead!" Why can't they wait for me to indicate to them what I need? There are times when a helping hand as you are circling the drain is a very welcome circumstance- go ahead and pull me out, but this does not smack of that. I hate it when people think they are being nice to you by forcing an issue and wonder why you are not grateful when you never asked for their "intervention".
Don't you hate it when:
You are the volunteer troop leader and you find yourself 10 minutes behind to an event, heart palpitating, saying a little prayer that it will all work out (and it does) and you show up to receive the scorn and consternation from another one of the mothers-- full fledged rolling of the eyes, stomping, angry tone-- no "are you OK?" or "Hey Erin, what is up?-- normally the troop mother is the early one." I hate it when people don't give people the benefit of the doubt. We are all busy people and things happen. I tend to beat myself up enough for the boatload of us, no need to pile on the criticism. I don't need that kind of negativity. This reminds me to not jump to conclusions about others.
The beautiful thing is that when I talk about these issues, a weight is lifted. I don't have a reason to hold on to my anger or dismay in these circumstances.
A guy continues to pursue you even though you have subtly and not so subtly indicated that you are not interested. He tries to interest you in everything from outings to free pizza, offers to buy girl scout cookies or other ploys to connect. Now those of you who know me, know that I am very straight forward; a shoot from the hip kinda girl. I consider myself gentle but clear. There was a moment, that if he laid off, and gave things time I may have considered a friendship down the line. We may meet at a function or something- but now, it is just too awkward. I hate it when guys don't accept no. It puts me in the position of literally needing to be rude--not answering emails or phone calls to send an even clearer message. I hate when that happens (cause really I am a nice gal).
Don't you hate it when:
A driver traveling in the opposite lane of you motions for you to go, pressuring you to follow their lead?-- causing, if you do their bidding, a blockage in traffic. Their gestures are emphatic; they fully expect you to do what they are telling you to do. Now, I am no pansy, I can say no to the situation, but I don't even want to be in the position of telling them what to do in the process. Like saying, "No, you go ahead!" Why can't they wait for me to indicate to them what I need? There are times when a helping hand as you are circling the drain is a very welcome circumstance- go ahead and pull me out, but this does not smack of that. I hate it when people think they are being nice to you by forcing an issue and wonder why you are not grateful when you never asked for their "intervention".
Don't you hate it when:
You are the volunteer troop leader and you find yourself 10 minutes behind to an event, heart palpitating, saying a little prayer that it will all work out (and it does) and you show up to receive the scorn and consternation from another one of the mothers-- full fledged rolling of the eyes, stomping, angry tone-- no "are you OK?" or "Hey Erin, what is up?-- normally the troop mother is the early one." I hate it when people don't give people the benefit of the doubt. We are all busy people and things happen. I tend to beat myself up enough for the boatload of us, no need to pile on the criticism. I don't need that kind of negativity. This reminds me to not jump to conclusions about others.
The beautiful thing is that when I talk about these issues, a weight is lifted. I don't have a reason to hold on to my anger or dismay in these circumstances.
A Time of No
It has been an interesting period of my life these past 1-2 months. I find myself saying "no" a lot. The "no" has come in many forms:
1. I have said no to 3 jobs because they could not pay enough for me to make the mortgage.
2. I am saying no to friendships that are quasi friendships--you know the ones where you give more than they do. I need to be around others that give me energy and I am fortunate to have many friends that do just that.
3. I am filtering out distractions--making choices to avoid circumstances or situations that remind me of the past.
4. I am saying no to sugar and processed sugar foods-- did you know that Raisin Bran has 21 grams of sugar? My son Quinn pointed that one out as we were comparing cereals in the grocery isle(unfortunately, Captain Crunch has less- hmmm).
5. I am saying no to advances from the opposite sex, even though in some cases, they are
persistent-- I may blog more on this.
6. I have been saying no to the kid's constant requests for this and that. They don't quite understand how this whole layoff thing works- they just know that somehow mom makes it all work. I am sure we will be better/stronger for the little sacrifices we are making.
Even though this has been a time of no, it has also been a great time of welcome. I have two lunch dates with friends this week, enjoyed company with my Aunt Ginger last night, planning a get together with my APO buddies and engaged with a church after a long hiatus. I am quilting, learning to play the guitar, cleaning up the house-removing clutter and getting really clear about my budget. The really good thing is that my credit is rather good and I intend to keep it that way if I have the power to do so. In so many ways, it has been a time of "yes" too.
At the root of things, I have been asking, "Erin, what is it that you want?" I am capable of dealing with loads of negative stuff, but why do it if you don't have too? Why not choose the very best, most fun, most rewarding path?
1. I have said no to 3 jobs because they could not pay enough for me to make the mortgage.
2. I am saying no to friendships that are quasi friendships--you know the ones where you give more than they do. I need to be around others that give me energy and I am fortunate to have many friends that do just that.
3. I am filtering out distractions--making choices to avoid circumstances or situations that remind me of the past.
4. I am saying no to sugar and processed sugar foods-- did you know that Raisin Bran has 21 grams of sugar? My son Quinn pointed that one out as we were comparing cereals in the grocery isle(unfortunately, Captain Crunch has less- hmmm).
5. I am saying no to advances from the opposite sex, even though in some cases, they are
persistent-- I may blog more on this.
6. I have been saying no to the kid's constant requests for this and that. They don't quite understand how this whole layoff thing works- they just know that somehow mom makes it all work. I am sure we will be better/stronger for the little sacrifices we are making.
Even though this has been a time of no, it has also been a great time of welcome. I have two lunch dates with friends this week, enjoyed company with my Aunt Ginger last night, planning a get together with my APO buddies and engaged with a church after a long hiatus. I am quilting, learning to play the guitar, cleaning up the house-removing clutter and getting really clear about my budget. The really good thing is that my credit is rather good and I intend to keep it that way if I have the power to do so. In so many ways, it has been a time of "yes" too.
At the root of things, I have been asking, "Erin, what is it that you want?" I am capable of dealing with loads of negative stuff, but why do it if you don't have too? Why not choose the very best, most fun, most rewarding path?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)