Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Don't You Hate it When....

Don't you hate it when:

A guy continues to pursue you even though you have subtly and not so subtly indicated that you are not interested. He tries to interest you in everything from outings to free pizza, offers to buy girl scout cookies or other ploys to connect. Now those of you who know me, know that I am very straight forward; a shoot from the hip kinda girl. I consider myself gentle but clear. There was a moment, that if he laid off, and gave things time I may have considered a friendship down the line. We may meet at a function or something- but now, it is just too awkward. I hate it when guys don't accept no. It puts me in the position of literally needing to be rude--not answering emails or phone calls to send an even clearer message. I hate when that happens (cause really I am a nice gal).

Don't you hate it when:

A driver traveling in the opposite lane of you motions for you to go, pressuring you to follow their lead?-- causing, if you do their bidding, a blockage in traffic. Their gestures are emphatic; they fully expect you to do what they are telling you to do. Now, I am no pansy, I can say no to the situation, but I don't even want to be in the position of telling them what to do in the process. Like saying, "No, you go ahead!" Why can't they wait for me to indicate to them what I need? There are times when a helping hand as you are circling the drain is a very welcome circumstance- go ahead and pull me out, but this does not smack of that. I hate it when people think they are being nice to you by forcing an issue and wonder why you are not grateful when you never asked for their "intervention".

Don't you hate it when:

You are the volunteer troop leader and you find yourself 10 minutes behind to an event, heart palpitating, saying a little prayer that it will all work out (and it does) and you show up to receive the scorn and consternation from another one of the mothers-- full fledged rolling of the eyes, stomping, angry tone-- no "are you OK?" or "Hey Erin, what is up?-- normally the troop mother is the early one." I hate it when people don't give people the benefit of the doubt. We are all busy people and things happen. I tend to beat myself up enough for the boatload of us, no need to pile on the criticism. I don't need that kind of negativity. This reminds me to not jump to conclusions about others.

The beautiful thing is that when I talk about these issues, a weight is lifted. I don't have a reason to hold on to my anger or dismay in these circumstances.

10 comments:

Katy said...

{{hugs}}
yes, I hate those situations too.

Mars Girl said...

I havent had a guy pursue me hard, ever. That would be kind of nice, actually. ;)

Erin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erin said...

I really like it when a guy pursues me, but only when I have reciprical feelings. I don't understand why a guy would continue if I have been absolutely clear about where I stand. I think in this case, he is convincing himself that he is only a friend-- and who wouldn't want that? But, there is something weird about it.

Mars Girl said...

Yeah, I hear ya. I'm so embarrassed by someone not having recipricol feeligns that I wouldnt dare think to push the issue. But I guess some guys always hold out hope that you would change your mind. But then, that seems to indicate he has a lot of confidence... even if he shouldnt. But I think guys in general often seem to have more confidence in matters of dating than women. In general, I said, not by rule. ;) Guys are shy too.

Tiff said...

Yes, I hate all three of those. Well, okay, I've never been a scout leader but because we are friends I hate that one for you ;o)

Mars Girl said...

Erin, I got another pet pieve for you that I experienced this morning: People who drive WELL BELOW the speed limit because a cop is clocking ahead. Today, I was on a 45mph road and was stuck behind two cars going 30 on said road because a cop was monitering the road ahead. Now, come on, on principle the cop should have pulled over the idiot two cars in front of me who was going so frakking slow on a road with a 45 posted limit. I dont understand why people dont use REASON in these situations. Go 45. He won't clock you for going the speed limit. Chances are he wont clock you for 45-49, either. He's trying to get those money cars going 50+...

UGH!!

And I know. I've gotten many-a-ticket and they were all at 10+ over the limit. I'm the car the cop is looking for, not someone going the speed limit!

Erin said...

Marsgirl, I have been thinking about your comment about the guy being confident. I think you are right.

I realize that I tend to like shy guys when it comes to thier pursuit of women. The guys I have dated I think most would be in this category but it is funny though they are also inclined to perform or facilitate or command a presence in front groups of people.

So these guys are not shy in all ways-- except I am still defining shy-- I consider myself shy, I just don't act out of shyness, where others may allow their fear to rule. My heart palpitates, I sweat, I wonder if anyone will appreciate what I have to say....

Anyway, I thought it was interesting that I find shy guys cute.

A guy who comes on strong and is like, "I can't see why you don't adore me" really does nothing for me. Of course they don't say it this way, but their continued asking suggests it.

Having said that, I really do believe that being up front and sharing your interest in others is the way to go. It is the how you do it that matters most. And, for goodness sake, if a girl gives you an indication that they don't want to be with you let it go!

This guy asked me out to lunch today- ugh!

Mars Girl said...

Have you tried telling him directly that you're not interested in him beyond friendship? Maybe he doesnt think you're being clear by just turning down his offers to do stuff...?

Erin said...

I have told him-- specifically. And just today, I told him that I don't want to hang out and wish him the best. I have been subtle and not subtle in this case and I feel like I may need to get down right rude.

I am not going to worry about it. I think there are times when a man wants attention even if it is negative. Or, there are folks that are all about the pursuit and are miffed because they are not getting what they want.

At this point, I intend not to contact him again.