Last night I was listening to a speaker and she said something intriguing. She said that worry is a form of meditation. And, meditation is a way of creating things into fruition. Often times we focus on our worries and in so doing they are more likely to come true. This is true for positive meditations as well.

Generally I do not worry. I have the gift of knowing that everything will turn out OK. But lately and for quite awhile, I have been holding thoughts in a meditative way about a particular situation that have involved worry, insecurity and fear.

I am not certain why this has happened this way for me. Overall it has not served me well. It is even contrary to my nature and I realize I don't like the way this feels! I am wanting and ready to feel something different.

I have come to a few thoughts of approaches as I work on this dilemma. The first is changing my focus. Meditate consciously on other thoughts- positive, uplifting thoughts. This is easier said than done, but I am convinced that this is a part of the solution. The second is that I need to express and live into my faith. I have a belief that God will take care of things way better than I can imagine-- I just need to let him do his thing and me to follow. This will take trust and patience on my part. And thirdly, I need to let go of my desires and disappointments, let go of my expectations and hopes, let go of the pain and consternation.

Now, can I follow through?

Check out this link about the theory of worry.

Things I like

I was reading old emails and I found this among them- thought I would post here. These items are in no particular order.

I enjoy eggs, with many toppings: the primary one being cheese, then tomatoes, onions etc.

I like mashed potatoes with gravy with a side of meatloaf.

I like experimenting with different recipies and treating my friends to dinner or a special treat. (No guarentee that it will turn out though).

I like perch, scallops and crab meat.

I like thinking about possibilities- whether it is about shopping for an apartment, being in relationship with someone or charting a direction at work etc.

Tea is wonderful- it reminds me of my Irish heritage and it is a good excuse to take a break.

I love sweets but I am feeling that I would be healthier if I did not indulge.

I love to read. I am a voracious reader- everything from non-fiction books on management, organizational development, quilting, taking care of yourself, to science books.

I love surprises- little and big.

I enjoy the sunshine -especially on potentially gloomy winter days.

I love snow- deep snow and the silence that comes with it.

I really like adventures; adventures in travel, in trying new things and taking risks with people.

I enjoy philisophical discussions.

I like to play games.

I love movies- at home, in the theatre etc.

I love the arts- music, drama, visual......

I really enjoy hearing peoples stories, figuring out what they are about and learning about thier dreams, aspirations and goals.

I get excited about projects.

I enjoy getting together with people. I enjoy deep conversations and conversely just hanging out.

If I am with someone I like I could do just about anything and be happy.

Variety and trying new things are key for me.

Watching the Needle Go In

I was talking to a friend the other day about how knowing what to expect or how having information is helpful to me when facing challenges.

An example of this is when I get a shot at the doctors. Many nurses/doctors will recommend that you turn you head so you don't get wigged out by seeing the needle go in.

For me I tend to wig out if I don't face the action. If I am not looking, I jump and jerk. One time, I actually ended up pulling the needle out of my arm-nearly giving the doctor a heart attack in the process. (It was an automatic reaction.)

So, I have learned to watch the needle, anticipate the pain, breathe through it. The effect is one of calming my fears, encouraging bravery and affirming my choices. In this "knowing" I can be my own best friend and talk myself through it. Doubt or unknowing, breed insecurity, fear and anxiety for me.

It is a lot less scary for me to know what is up- I feel empowered to make decisions and cope with circumstances. I think this is true for most situations we encounter.

Easter- a time of renewal

This season has been the best gift to me. It is hard to explain why but I will try-- since I try to share the Why Behind here.

• It has been a time of reflection. Taking stock of my life, discerning where I want to go, who I want on the journey with me and what life experiences to pursue.
• A time of connection. I have experienced dialog with God. I must admit that I don't always heed Him, but He is there and accessible in ways that I was too afraid to explore in the past. By the way He is kind, assuring and it is clear that He accepts me for who I am.
• A time of small sacrifice. I have given up sugar this Lent. I had a sneaky suspicion that I may have a budding addiction there and this exercise proved this to be true. I have lost 12 lbs and still desire/think about sugar about every 15 minutes. Each time I am drawn to it, I remember my commitment and remind myself of my connection to God.
• After 5 years of searching, I have found a church that I am really happy with. ~ The magnitude of this gift I cannot adequately express.

There have been many more gifts. I consider myself truly blessed.