Friday, July 24, 2009

Bad Boys

Recently, I had a discussion with a friend about how girls/women like bad boys rather than nice guys. I pondered this a bit and have come to some conclusions about this notion. I think it is true that if a man tries to woo a woman in the early stages of dating by going over the top (things like flowers, excessive compliments etc.) it can be a detraction. The woman will know that or at least feel like it is just a ploy to "win" her. This can feel manipulative and not very enticing. I know that the sentiment can be coming from a nice place, but it has the wrong effect.

It is also true that women like men with a sense of adventure. Men who are willing to speak their minds (while considering other opinions). And men, who are willing to take risks. These qualities can be placed in the bad boy category. It is not necessary for a man to be a bully, or unappreciative, callous or rude. However, a little mischievousness (while treating the woman like a queen) can really tickle the fancy. There are ways to be a bad boy without being a jerk.

A man with confidence is very appealing. This quality is not only reserved for men. I have experienced this myself. When I am confident and sure men seem to find me increasingly interesting.

I must admit that I do like shy guys too--especially when a guy knows he has something to offer but is a little hesitant in his approach. Nothing like knowing a guy is into you and you him--just needing a little nudge to bridge the gap. It can be fun to nudge.

Having said this, I really think that once you have established a relationship with someone, it is still important to cultivate your sense of adventure, express your confidence and take risks but it is also time to turn on the charm. Even though it is no longer necessary to woo your partner, any act of kindness will go a long way. It will be (with a sincere approach) a true gesture of your love. So many times, we get into a rut by worrying about attending to the things that "need" doing that we lose focus. Bring your focus on how to be your best self and express your true appreciation for those around you. I guarantee that you will benefit from this approach way more than staying in your rut.

So guys and gals, give that bouquet of flowers, write that little love note, whisper a tender notion your lover's way--take the risk and make it an adventure. Life is too short to not feel the goodness.


Mars Girl said...

I wouldnt say I like bad guys, per say, because I've always dated really nice men. However, I have found there is a limit to how good they are. I feel like I need a guy who has walked on the bad side, slightly, once. By that I mean, maybe, that he actually did party and get drunk in college (but doesnt do this regularly now) or that he experimented with light drugs (but doesnt do that now)... Because otherwise, I feel like I'm a dirty, bad person around someone who has never even thought to question or push authority by doing these things. Because, yes, I was a little rebellious and still am at times. I'm totally unattracted by men who are completely good, who have never pushed the authority even a little... I dont know why this is... I think I should be appalled at this revelation. But when I look back on it, I still like a good guy and I still like a man who treats me well, I just mean to say that I dont want him to be more innocent than I am... You know? Does that make sense? I guess I want to be with a man who pushes a little bit and questions authority, like I do. Which sounds stupid and teenagerish...

Erin said...

Well, I have a lot of experience with men who have pushed authority :-).

I think your need to have a guy as "dirty" as you may be a unique need--dunno. It is nice to be with someone that has lived a little. Have you ever been with someone that supposes things without having any experience? That can be a big turnoff.

I know that people can think about stuff and have opinions but, I argue that often times, you really can't put your feet in my shoes without having some kind of relevant experience.

The good news is that most people have needed forgiveness in some sense and bring wisdom etc. from the past.

Anonymous said...

When males refer to "bad boys", I think we are generally referring more to the exterior of things: etiquette, appearance, etc. and marvel how those things that we are always told are inappropriate are appealing to females.
Just sayin'

Erin said...

Hmm, anonymous-- I would have to say that I think being a bad boy is more of an attitude than smelling bad or belching.

Anonymous said...

wel, that wasn't exactly the kind of thing I was referring to lol!

to expand: to me,growing up

a "bad boy" was the guy who was rude to girls, who still got the date or the guy who pushed the girl around but still got the girl, the guy who would humiliate the girl and still go home with her