So, what's my problem?
Well, that is the problem--it (my problem) is undefined or undefinable. It leaves one pondering perpetually and actually promotes the idea that some situations are not figureoutable. Some things are just the way they are- not logical, workable, or rooted in things that make sense.
I was sharing a dilemma regarding my family treating me poorly with my past boss sometime ago. After hearing me say, "I guess God is teaching me something here (not sure what)." She said, "Erin, sometimes shit just happens. You don't deserve this or have not brought it on yourself."
My old boss is a member of the clergy and she has a relatively sane approach to life. So this perspective threw me for a loop. I have always been able to cope with things by saying this mantra-"God must want me to learn something here". Now what? Where do I put this dilemma-- how do I make sense of it. I can't just leave it there not making any sense-- can I?
How does one achieve alignment, a sense of direction, achieve hope in this barren abyss?
Well intuitively I know the answer--Let go of it- even though it doesn't make sense yet. Be kind to myself-even though others are judging or putting me down. Trust that God is with me and he loves me --even though...... Accept that things don't always make sense.
From a very young age we try to make sense of things. Our brains work hard to understand the world around us. We pull bits of information from different places and can logically connect the dots. It is in our nature. I think that is why it is hard for me to let go in these situations. My brain believes there is an explaination or a solution or a common sensical answer that will put my mental energy at ease upon the knowing. Letting go requires a stop to all this working and a real decision to put it aside-- not easy stuff.
Here is an example of how our brain seeks to make sense of things, can you read it?
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro.
4 comments:
Wow. I was amazed that I could read that last paragraph. So you're saying that spelling is irrelevant??! YAY!!
I think I agree with your former boss... sometimes shit just happens. I honestly dont think God was trying to teach me anything from the death of my husband. How people die and live are part of the randomness of free will. If there's a God, I'm pretty sure he feels just as bad about my loss as I do... and he apologizes for the crappy genetics that comprised my husband's heart. That's how I get through the day.
Still, it doesnt mean I didnt learn anything from the experience. I'd say the best thing I can take away from what I went through is that I should not sweat the small stuff anymore. And I dont know. I think I would make a man a better wife now than I did Mike.
maybe it is God saying that the lesson to learn is that there is no lesson--that you cannot improve or change this thing, whatever it is so cope:let go, move on, etc.
(easy to say, hard to do)
"if you wanna sing out, sing out!"
Not everything will make sense. It's true. And there's only so much lemonade that can be made from lemons in my book. The rest must just be put aside. I love that you want to squeeze the last (or only) drop of goodness out of a bad situation, but sometimes you just have to throw it out and move on.
Hey, I have your phone number in my cell phone wrong. Please call me back!
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